Happy Birthday, DeAnn!

Today is my friend, DeAnn's, birthday. I haven't called her yet because I want her to be able to sleep in really late.

We've been friends for the past century, or at least since our kids were really little. She makes me laugh and even though we don't see each other very often, she's up there in my top five.

One year for my birthday, she took me to Taos, New Mexico and we spent our time having a blast! Another year we went to Dos Hombres (where the bartender knows her!), got loaded and went to see The Devil Wears Prada. She never fails to make my day really special. I hope hers is the same (and we'll get together soon with OUR plans, but today I'll let your family have you!)

Have a great and special birthday,FREH-END!

If I Was Queen . . .

• there would be a dedicated 24 hr/day channel showing only Family Guy, American Dad, Simpsons and Futurama.
• No one would smoke . . . anything.
• I would only drive a car until the new car scent wore off.
• Someone ELSE would clean my house. And do my laundry. And they would hang it all in my closet by color.
• And I would own lots of boots.
• Oh, and everyone would have health insurance. Cuz I'm all about "others."

UPDATE: OK, I've shocked a few. There is a part of me, way down deep inside that absolutely loves raunchy, edgy and irreverent humor. Those adult cartoon shows above are my favorites, although sometimes there are moments even I cringe when I watch them. Please don't judge me too harshly ~ I really do love boots, too.

Oops . . . I did it again!

Last weekend there were some notable birthdays AGAIN! and I neglected the opportunity to blog about it. Ron's step-dad celebrated last Saturday and then my friend, Vicky, turned 39 again last Sunday. I got to attend her surprise birthday party (complete with a chocolate fountain!) and see the shock 'n' awe on her face when she walked through the door and got pelted with 47,000 lbs of confetti. It was terrific seeing her again and she didn't even once mention the memorial bookmarks I haven't finished for her yet. (Nice girl!)

Vicky married one of Ron's best friends about a million years ago and I'm so glad she did. She's one of the nicest people I know and every time we're together, we have good times. We've lost some dogs together and we understand. She lost her mom; I lost my dad. She loves to shop. I love to shop. She likes pizza. I like pizza. She likes jewelry. I like jewelry. She has two boys. I have two boys. She has two granddaughters. Well, I would shoot my boys if they even THOUGHT about it for a very long time. Yes, Vicky is one of my favorite people (with or without the chocolate fountain!!)

I HEART Rubber Pants

Thank you, Mr & Mrs Inventors, who make my life easier.There are some incredible inventions these days that make life much more worth living. I've listed below some of my favorites:

• Computers (well, duh!)
• Satellite Radio
• Music Videos
• Microwaves (who has time to wait?!)
• CD's
  
• Hot Pockets (call me trashy; them's good eatin!)
• Airplanes (I'm not the stagecoach type)
• Infomercials (I wouldn't own half my crap, if not for them!)
• Pull-ups
• Online photo services
• Cell phones
• Cable TV (Options, people!!)
• Pop Tarts
• Pills that cure stuff
• Surgeries that lift stuff
• Free Range meat (I don't know what it is, but it sounds better)
  
• Voice Mail
• Clothes designed for comfort

Well, it's time for bed. I need to take a sleeping pill, put on my comfortable jammies, slather on my anti-wrinkle cream and program my hot pocket to cook by 7 am tomorrow. Yeah, it's a wonderful life. :-)

Always and Forever, Daddy's Little Girls

Today is sad. My BFF and her sisters lost one of the most precious people to them exactly one year ago. When she called me last year with the horrible news, I hated that I was actually "experienced" with this kind of loss. The only good thing about it was that I really could understand the unspeakable grief she felt and I didn't have to dig very far at all to find it. We're all card-carrying members now of the LOST DAD'S SOCIETY. I miss my dad every day. Some days I miss him so much I feel like I might burst. I hold my breath at times so long I feel like I'm going to pass out. No matter what, he's still gone. I want to believe that my dad is somewhere, watching us. I want to believe that Lori, Cherie and Shelly are enveloped in their dad's arms today. I'm thankful for the relationship we all had with our dads. Perfect? Heck no. But great enough to break our hearts when we lost them.


If my arms were longer, I'd reach across the miles and hug them each. They know I'm doing that in my heart, though.

My Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to hide the bodies
of the ones who pissed me off.

I just wish I understood people better. My problem is that I treat everyone as though they have the same mentality as me. I expect the best in people and I expect them to be sane. And then someone completely surprises you and takes you off guard because you suddenly realize that the person you're speaking to is COMPLETELY PSYCHO. Why don't those people wear signs? Why don't those people drool openly? Why, oh why do I try??? Today at work I met a psycho. She was demon-possessed and I still can't understand her thinking. I expected split pea throw up and some head-spinning. No sense of understanding. Sheesh.

Then there was this other person I once knew who totally threw a temper tantrum. She was the supervisor while I was working temporarily at a job. She accused me of not doing something that she was just sure I should have known ~ although she had never told me this thing I was supposed to have known. Anyway, she stood there looking across the room from about 30 feet away, waving her arms, stomping her feet and yelling at me. I wish I'd had a mirror, because I'm sure the look on my face said "You are flippin' nuts, lady."

People like this make me think things like the above serenity prayer and also things like, "Life is too short for this garbage!" I want to live and love and laugh and be happy to be here every day. I want to make people happy and bring joy where there isn't lots. I want to improve my little daily world. Making room for people who try to suck the life outta you just isn't productive to my plan. So, although my plan sounds good enough, there may be some carnage left along the way. Excu-u-use me.

Happy Birthday, Sis-Jen

Happy birthday to YOU * Happy birthday to YOU * Happy birthday DEAR JENNIFER * Happy Birthday to YOU!!

Always go before you leave!

Today's lesson, boys and girls, is to relax! Actually, this is my lesson, but I'm willing to share it with you. I'm thoughtful that way.

First lay down and close your eyes. Take 5 deep cleansing breaths and as you lay there in your own personal darkness, imagine the tides washing in and out of the surf. Resist the urge to wet yourself. You should have gone before you left. Course, this may not seem relaxing at all if you lost your Uncle Charlie in a shark attack.

OK, try this. Lay down, cleansing breaths . . . You walk through the front doors of the library and notice a large sign to your left that says "Newly installed massage chairs available to high volume readers." Thank goodness you have your dog-eared copy of War and Peace with you! You lay down and begin the full body roll massage. The soft music gently lulls you to that phase of sleep where you begin to feel weightless. Every muscle in your body starts to relax until you remember Jessica Fletcher's episode where Corny McButterpants was murdered while bent over the microfiche reader.

OK, maybe this is better. Lay down . . . You're 150,000 miles above earth, flying to San Francisco. Your seat is set back as far as it will go. You've had enough airplane booze and Valium to knock out a manatee. The whispery lilting voice of the flight attendant sings "Go to sleep my little baby," and rubs your temples gently. The soft hum and rocking of the airplane engines relaxes you to a catatonic state you've never known. Then the D*&^%& booze tells you "I'm going right through you." After one short visit to the restroom, where you are forced to walk into a tiny little room that smells like a truck stop, you're awake. You read the SkyMall magazine, wonder why anyone needs a coffee maker with an atomic clock that poaches eggs and gives you Framingham, Massachusetts news updates simultaneously. Then one of Angelina Jolie's orphans starts kicking the back of your seat (Did I mention you're in first class??) and you're NOT going back to sleep.

OK, just watch TV and take some Niquil, wouldja??

It's Not Just About The Journey

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be. ~Douglas Adams

My sister sent me this quote and I do believe it's a most poignant phrase that describes my situation quite perfectly at this moment. There are many experiences I wouldn't have chosen for myself. I wouldn't repeat certain phases of my life. I can't even say I'm thankful for it all. I don't want to believe the bad times are what define you (although I suppose that's partly true.) I have many regrets and I probably always will.

But the good news is that right now I'm where I am. I'm OK with it, too. I hope if you're reading this and think "I'm so not happy with where I am," you'll take the opportunity to figure out what steps you need to take to get there. I've always believed I'm a total work in progress. And I know I still am. But I'm OK to be where I am right now. And I'm completely loving that wrinkles don't hurt.

The Chatty-Kat Daily Metaphor

I love most of my shoes. I'm glad everyone else doesn't have my shoes. But I'm also glad I get to see other shoes on other people, even if those aren't the shoes I'd buy. I'm glad that shoes come in lots of colors. I love pointy toed and round toed styles. I love boots. OMG, do I love boots! I love tennis shoes (which I've never played tennis while wearing.) I love slip ons and strap-ins. I love leather and fabric and even that funky rubberish stuff in Crocs. And I'm glad everyone wears different shoes.

In my city, where DIVERSITY is a bad word, I'm thankful for the open-minded, truly kind and caring individuals who really want to make sure there's room for us all!


You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note. ~Doug Floyd

It's all about the heart!

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways . . .

• You gave me our wonderful boys
• Cuz of you, my first baby, I'm a mommy
• You became my next little guy, but my forever baby
• You wag your tail when I say your name
  
• You bark and roo-roo everytime I walk in the door (even if I've just gone to check the mail!)
• You call me everyday just to say "I Love You" and you're the best mom ever
• Your spirit is in my heart every single day and I tell the universe how much I miss you just as often
• You make me love being a big sister
• You know everything about me but love me anyway
• You call me a friend
• You haven't fired me, yelled at me or degraded and humiliated me. In fact, you make me LOVE coming to work
  
• You loved my dear father-in-law
• You're fun and make me laugh
• Your example teaches me more than you'll ever know

Those Three Little Words

Ah, those three little words. They make me a better mom, better wife, better person.

You get home at night, the house is a mess, the kids are fighting and your favorite TV show is pre-empted for a presidential address. Yep, those three little words can make all the difference.

The boss is on the warpath, the internet goes out, the phones are ringing off the hook with grouchy complaining whiners. Those three little words allow you to pull back from the day's crises and celebrate another "X" on the calendar.

It's a blind date but your best friend promised you it's a GREAT OPPORTUNITY. Actually you were promised a good looking, rich and successful date who's open to commitment. In reality, he's fat, deeply in debt, "in between jobs" and has mother issues. Those three little words lift you momentarily.

Your kids have failed their classes, lost their scholarships, hooked up with a single mom and her 3 kids, and wrecked the family cruiser. Those three little words can stop you from lighting fire to the house.

You find vomit in your prized rose bushes after the neighbor's kegger. Your chihuahua looks pregnant and the nearby great dane looks guilty. You spill coffee on your ivory dry-clean-only blouse on the way to work. Ah, those three little words.

That's right . . . LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS!

Have a great day!!

Sunday Funnies

Thank you's to my sis-Jen and BFF for their TEE-rific comments on the previous post!! I'm definitely inspired to see Spinal Tap again! And Jen, ALL the Griswold Vacation movies are great~ full of memorable quotes, like this one:

Clark:"Eddie, has anyone ever told you you're bad luck?
Cousin Eddie: Those were my mother's dying words. But I guess if your body's covered in third degree burns, and your foot's caught in a bear trap, you tend to start talkin' crazy."

Favorite Movie Line Time

My favorite movie line of all time (so far) is from RENT when Maureen tells JoAnn "THERE WILL ALWAYS BE WOMEN IN RUBBER!" If you haven't seen the movie, I challenge you to see it to know what they're talking about. It's hilariously touching and deeply moving. To me, anyway.

Boss-Jen's favorite movie line is from WAITING TO EXHALE when she says "TAKE YO SH**!, TAKE YO SH**!" This line must be quoted properly with the southern accent.

Each of these lines can actually be worked into conversation quite easily. Well, "There will always be women in rubber" doesn't ever make sense, but it does draw blank stares followed by confused laughter. And some days that's the best you can hope for!!

So, what are YOUR favorite movie lines?? (Always read the comments written by others - I have hysterically funny friends and family!)


UPDATE: Definitely read the comments . . . my sister is on a roll!

(Tardy) Birthday Shout-outs!

Happy Birthday to a few of my favorite persons!

Theo & Trevor - Hope yours was the best!!

Deanna (My Cuz) - I love you and miss you and wish I could have helped you celebrate!

. . . a couple more coming, but I'll try to make my birthday shout-outs ON-TIME!!

My favorite food group

Few things on this earth bring my tummy greater joy than Mike N Ike candies. They're chewy, fruity and sweet. They go great with Murder She Wrote re-runs and old episodes of Columbo. I don't like the green and red ones much, so Ron gets those. I LOVE the pink ones. They're my favorites! The yellow and orange flavors aren't bad. The grape flavored candies are pretty tasty. Wish I had a favorite candy that wasn't Ron's favorite candy. Then I wouldn't have to share them or hide them in my jewelry armoire under my dad's ashes. Our family (OK, Jen and me) had this tradition - always Red Vines with James Bond movies. I miss those days, Sissy. I can think of only one candy even better than MNI's - Now and Later's. Course I prefer to eat them NOW rather than LATER. But it's fruit, so that can't be all bad, right Cuz??!!

The ChattyKat Boss of the Year Award goes to . . .

As I wrote last weekend, I started a new job recently. My new boss is "Jennifer." That makes two Jennifer's in my life and I love them both (OK, sis-Jen is higher on the love list, but Boss-Jen isn't too far down!)

One previous boss goes down in the books for his constant screaming fits directed at me daily. He would throw things when he was mad and I just totally prayed one day I would get hit by one of those flying objects and be able to press charges. He had me convinced that I would never get a job anywhere else, so I didn't try. Also, whenever I had a lunch date with a friend, he'd spend the whole afternoon accusing me of trying to get another job. He molested any female worker or delivery girl, so I was always writing letters IN HIS DEFENSE denying such charges. Oh, what a dark time in my life. Even when you self-medicate (i.e. drink yourself into oblivion) you eventually wake up and have to face the blackness again anyway.

When I worked government, I did like a lot of my bosses - I had many, and some were really great. My favs were: Bruce, Gerardo, Steve G, Nik, Ron . . . probly a couple others I can't remember right now. While working temp, I've enjoyed just about anyone I've worked for and really really liked the gals at my temp company. Now, though, I work for Boss-Jen and she's about the best boss ever. I feel very very lucky to have a job I enjoy so much.

My own list of what makes a good boss:

• Promotes positive energy
• Admits mistakes
• Loves their job
• Truly cares about and empowers their employees
• Knows the fine line between staying informed and micro-managing
• Listens to others
• Even-tempered - doesn't throw tantrums
• Challenges employees to be their best

Did I forget anything?? Have a great week!