Some Men Are Such "Givers"
Last night I had dinner with a friend. She's one o' those terrific gals you feel lucky to have in your life. And every once-in-awhile someone tells you a story you just KNOW the whole world needs to hear. Plus she gave me her permission to share. I promised to use her "porn name" instead of her real one. (Formula: your first pet's name and the street you were born on.)
So, "Choco Box" was married to this guy who had a vasectolotomy lo many years ago. Apparently, about six weeks post-partum, these guys have to submit a "specimen" to be checked for swimmers. So he asked her to buy him a magazine so that he could give them the best sample possible. Well, my friend worked at a local church nursery. She was horribly embarrassed, but as a loving and dutiful wife (what a waste that proved to be!) she went to the most commonly known adult book store for her husband's inspiration. She discreetly paid cash, so as not to alert her credit card company to her seedy purchase. As the clerk handed her the change back, he said "Thank you, Choco." She looked into the heaven's with the panic-stricken face of someone caught stealing pens from work during the second coming of Christ, when she saw in the mirrored ceiling above the register that she had on her name tag "Choco Box, Children's Program Director, New Life Church." Can you just IMAGINE what the bulletin would read that week?
Along those same lines, I remember Jeff Foxworthy's monologue about their early years of marriage. His wife had not gotten pregnant during six months of constant attempts, so she decided he should be "tested." His brother had told him everything he needed to know about the testing procedure. When he arrived at the clinic, a woman gave him a cup and no magazine. He was disappointed but thought "Well, I know what I gotta do and I guess it's all imagination now." He "gave it all he had" then waited for a few extra minutes - so's he wouldn't look like a circus freak. When he walked out in the hallway and handed his specimen cup to the nurse, she looked at it and said "Oh geez! We don't do that here. We just need a urine specimen!"
I submit the above stories are true to the best of my ability to stick to the version told to me.
Porn-cerely
"Skipper Peach"
So, "Choco Box" was married to this guy who had a vasectolotomy lo many years ago. Apparently, about six weeks post-partum, these guys have to submit a "specimen" to be checked for swimmers. So he asked her to buy him a magazine so that he could give them the best sample possible. Well, my friend worked at a local church nursery. She was horribly embarrassed, but as a loving and dutiful wife (what a waste that proved to be!) she went to the most commonly known adult book store for her husband's inspiration. She discreetly paid cash, so as not to alert her credit card company to her seedy purchase. As the clerk handed her the change back, he said "Thank you, Choco." She looked into the heaven's with the panic-stricken face of someone caught stealing pens from work during the second coming of Christ, when she saw in the mirrored ceiling above the register that she had on her name tag "Choco Box, Children's Program Director, New Life Church." Can you just IMAGINE what the bulletin would read that week?
Along those same lines, I remember Jeff Foxworthy's monologue about their early years of marriage. His wife had not gotten pregnant during six months of constant attempts, so she decided he should be "tested." His brother had told him everything he needed to know about the testing procedure. When he arrived at the clinic, a woman gave him a cup and no magazine. He was disappointed but thought "Well, I know what I gotta do and I guess it's all imagination now." He "gave it all he had" then waited for a few extra minutes - so's he wouldn't look like a circus freak. When he walked out in the hallway and handed his specimen cup to the nurse, she looked at it and said "Oh geez! We don't do that here. We just need a urine specimen!"
I submit the above stories are true to the best of my ability to stick to the version told to me.
Porn-cerely
"Skipper Peach"
3 comments:
So, is a vasectolotomy anything like a hystelectomy? I've heard they're all the ra-jayjay.
Good thing I didn't make that Jeff Foxworthy mistake when I gave my urine sample yesterday. It's so like me.
Signed,
Dee Dee 118th
(What do you do when all the streets you lived on as a kid were numbers?)
OK, how's this one?
Puff Yucca (street from MN)
OK, I guess now that I've broken into using street names from my adult life, I could do this: Whiskers Lilly (street from Olympia, and yes, I had a lot of pets early in life!)
Anyway, I think I'm getting the hang of this!!! See you in the centerfolds...
I still say you're wasting your time doing a blog -- this is the stuff that we all pay big bucks to purchase at B/N!!
P.S. I'll tell you any story you want to hear -- but you have to promise to publish it with your flair and literary license!!
Mother Mary
Post a Comment