Jailhouse Rocks

Apparently THE KING is still in the building. Besides being intensely fearful, I'm ALL SHOOK UP and extremely nauseous now.

Happy Friday and you are welcome for the diet aid.

Some Men Are Such "Givers"

Last night I had dinner with a friend. She's one o' those terrific gals you feel lucky to have in your life. And every once-in-awhile someone tells you a story you just KNOW the whole world needs to hear. Plus she gave me her permission to share. I promised to use her "porn name" instead of her real one. (Formula: your first pet's name and the street you were born on.)

So, "Choco Box" was married to this guy who had a vasectolotomy lo many years ago. Apparently, about six weeks post-partum, these guys have to submit a "specimen" to be checked for swimmers. So he asked her to buy him a magazine so that he could give them the best sample possible. Well, my friend worked at a local church nursery. She was horribly embarrassed, but as a loving and dutiful wife (what a waste that proved to be!) she went to the most commonly known adult book store for her husband's inspiration. She discreetly paid cash, so as not to alert her credit card company to her seedy purchase. As the clerk handed her the change back, he said "Thank you, Choco." She looked into the heaven's with the panic-stricken face of someone caught stealing pens from work during the second coming of Christ, when she saw in the mirrored ceiling above the register that she had on her name tag "Choco Box, Children's Program Director, New Life Church." Can you just IMAGINE what the bulletin would read that week?

Along those same lines, I remember Jeff Foxworthy's monologue about their early years of marriage. His wife had not gotten pregnant during six months of constant attempts, so she decided he should be "tested." His brother had told him everything he needed to know about the testing procedure. When he arrived at the clinic, a woman gave him a cup and no magazine. He was disappointed but thought "Well, I know what I gotta do and I guess it's all imagination now." He "gave it all he had" then waited for a few extra minutes - so's he wouldn't look like a circus freak. When he walked out in the hallway and handed his specimen cup to the nurse, she looked at it and said "Oh geez! We don't do that here. We just need a urine specimen!"

I submit the above stories are true to the best of my ability to stick to the version told to me.

Porn-cerely
"Skipper Peach"

I Think, Therefore I Stink

Have you ever thought so hard that you started to sweat?? Me neither. But if I DID, I don't think it would be pretty. Which brings me to my REAL point - my favorite ever perfume, "Falling In Love" by Philosophy. It's truly the nicest smell on the planet. It's vanilla and other things that smell good and disguise if I'm having one of those days wherefore I might think too hard. My BFF wears it and she smells good, so I hope I smell half that nice. And the scent reminds me of the sweetness of being in San Francisco every first weekend of December.

UPDATE: Item can be purchased in most major cities with Philosophy counters in their "parfum" departments.

Addicted to Porn (uh, GASTRO Porn)

I only just heard this term recently. When a restaurant has "come-hither, glistening images of food," trying to entice you to buy, buy, buy, it's called "Gastro-Porn." I thought it just made me hungrier. So if I eat a lot, I'm "addicted to porn." If I eat a lot and I'm on TV, I'm a "porn star." If I'm invited to the neighbor's barbeque, I'm going to a "porn party." And now that I've written "porn" on my site so many times, I'm "x-rated." Sheesh. Gotta go. Gotta find a support group. And I'm hungry.

Have A Great Shoe Day!

I'm having a great shoe day today. Ya know those days when you're wearing the cutest pair of pumps and they don't hurt and they sound just right against the sidewalk. There is a certain sound of "clacking" that you hear in the movies. I LOVE that sound. Sometimes I take shorter steps so I get to make twice as many clacks. Some of my shoes have such soft souls that I feel like I'm in stealth mode. What can I say? I like the clack. Not all shoe sounds are good, though. Like when you hear someone walking in their crocs with no socks and it makes squishy noises. Poo-tink! Not all clickety-clicking noises are good. Like when you hear clickety-clack, clomp, click-click, "Oh, no-o-o-o-o!" as someone trips. I'm glad I rarely trip. (Quiet everyone who knows me!) When I DO trip, I hope I'm in stealth mode, so no one hears me. But I'm usually not.

Few things make a bad day worse than hating your shoes. Or clacking wrong. Maybe that's just me.

And the OTHER thing good about Friday's, as Ron reminded me this morning: PIZZA NIGHT!!!

Sing A Song Of Sixpence . . .

In the wonderful town that I spent the first eleven years of my childhood, there is a great not-so-living legend of THE BLACKBIRD. I remember it as a very large spooky looking creature in front of a store (of the same name) that my parents took me to on a very regular basis. And if we weren't going in, I always noticed it when we drove by. It was founded in 1965 by a man who designed and built this 29 foot BlackBird to stand over the parking lot of his outdoor/hardware store. (But really it always had a lot of other crapola to buy!) The bird is constructed of re-bar, hog wire and fiberglass and is known to dine on small children who don't stay with their parents while on the premises. (Or so I was told!) It's truly one of the most photographed landmarks in all of . . . Medford.

While we visited my hometown last month, Ron made a short trip to BLACKBIRD to purchase something he needed for the yardwork he was doing at my mom's house. He told me there was a l-o-n-g line with about 30-40 people waiting. Preparing himself for a tiresome wait, and totally re-thinking the necessity of this small purchase, he was surprised when suddenly a cashier from another register called him over and the following conversation ensued.

RON: "Well, why are all those people standing in THAT line?"

CLERK: "They're paying their utility bills."

CLERK (seeing Ron's confusion): Oh, YOU must have a checking account!" (With an attitude of LA-DI-DA! I can only imagine if I had been with him. They'd have thought I was a total snob. What with wearing shoes AND a bra!!)

Ahhhh, that's our BLACKBIRD!!

CELEBRATE THURSDAY!

Today is going to be fabulous. I plan to drink lots of water, eat light and take a long walk when I get home from work. And during my day I will laugh, laugh, laugh. And if somewhere along my way today I can help make someone else's day better, well, that's good too. It's Thursday, which means there is no particular reason to celebrate, but since I'm breathing, there's no reason NOT to. I'm raising the bar and expecting a really incredible day. Or maybe I'm lowering the bar because I plan to find happiness in the small things. Regardless, it's gonna be great! Join me, won't you?

UPDATE: Friday, July 20

It really did turn out to be a great day!

Crashes and Scratches

Last weekend I went to the Titanic exhibition in Denver, as I mentioned in a previous blog. Since then, I've done a lot of online researching about passengers. I found a great link with lots of back stories. http://www.encyclopedia-titanica.org/ I will caution you, however, to not even start on that link unless you have a big chunk of time. Over the past week, I've spent hours!

Speaking of crashes, I'd like to suggest to everyone reading this, that you pledge to always put your shopping carts in the "cart corral's" in the parking lot. When I returned to my car at Safeway, I had a cart up against my back bumper. When I moved it (and put it in the cart corral,) there was an 8 inch scratch on my car where the cart had been "parked." I've always had a thing about carts anyway, but now I'm just ticked because my car took the brunt of someone else's laziness. So please people, say it with me "I WILL ALWAYS PUT MY CART AWAY . . . I WILL ALWAYS PUT MY CART AWAY . . . I WILL ALWAYS PUT MY CART AWAY. . ." Thank you.

Birthday Shout-Out for July 17

Happy Birthday to my friend, Kelli!! I'll be thinking of you today! I'm raising my coffee cup to you right now!

Birthday Shout-Out for July 15 and 16!

Happy Birthday to Tina and Matthew in Oregon!! May you both have great ones!!

Three Things To Do In Denver When You're NOT Dead

Today my beloved and I spent the day in Denver. We started at the Denver Museum, where we saw "Ghosts of the Abyss" at the IMAX and the Titanic Exhibition. I had seen it several years ago in Las Vegas with my sister. I remember that inside the exhibit was so quiet and reverent. This experience today was completely the opposite. There were little kids running all around, yelling and laughing AND setting off the alarms at the displays. I'm not kidding! Every minute or two, an alarm would go off at a display. The rent-a-cop working today probly worked off a dozen donuts running from place to place. Reservations were required for the exhibit, yet the rooms were so overcrowded with people that we couldn't get close enough to read a lot of the displays. And the air conditioner wasn't working well so it was super stuffy.

At the IMAX, the noise level was better, but someone directly behind us had ARS-BREATH, so we spent lots of the time holding our noses. And it wasn't just me. Ron was nearly yakking from the smell.

The movie was incredible, though. James Cameron and Bill Paxton went back to the Titanic in September 2001 to film this documentary. There was a lot of film footage from inside the wreckage. They shared even more survivor stories. It was amazing. At one point in the movie, one of the divers was recorded saying, "today is September 11, 2001." James Cameron came out of the underwater unit and Bill Paxton was telling him that the US was under attack. This movie is available through Blockbuster if you're interested.

We did walk through other parts of the museum and I've included pictures. Even though I'm married to a big strong brave guy, the big wooly . . . thing was stuffed. And I wasn't pointing at the monkey's . . . thingy. I was pointing to the other thing behind the monkey's thingy. Yeah.

Next stop, Kwik-E-Mart!! Yes, Denver was one of the dozen renamed locations for the premiere of The Simpsons Movie. So, of course we had to visit and buy stuff and take pictures. I had a quick fling with Apu and bought some "they're not called Don't-Nuts!" Ron was trying to get Homer to share his dog.

Last stop of the day, The Cheesecake Factory!! No day ends poorly when it ends with The Cheesecake Factory. Ron's burger was served raw (ordered well-done) and they happily took it back and fixed it. He said he barely tasted the sputum and shoe prints when they brought it back. And we brought a Snickers Cheesecake home for the boys. (It's OK to buy love, as long as you can afford it!)

It was so great, I'm only two Valium away from complete and utter bliss!

Grandma Mary's Granddogs

My sister and I have the cutest girl dogs IN THE WORLD. And when three out of four of them met last month, we didn't know what to expect. I spent months telling Shelby about her cousins, Scout, the Beagle, and Casey, the Rat. I told her that they're sweet and nice and she needed to be sweet and nice right back. But with Shelby, what she lacks in size, she makes up in feisty-ness!

At first meeting, there were some territorial issues, as in "That's MY Appie" and "That's MY Mommy!" I'm pretty tight with Scout and Casey. But then Shelby is a little MORE than tight with me. After awhile, they all tolerated each other, and for that, we were very pleased. Personally, I think it was an act for us. I think they LOVED each other, but didn't want to let on. And no one had any accidents on Grandma Mary's carpet. Even Jack. Jury's still out on Uncle Ron.

Birthday Shout-Out for July 13

Happy Birthday, Glenda! To my favorite-mom's-cousin's-wife!
Have a great one!!

"Casey Jones" crosses over to the dark side.

Last night we watched "Shooter" with Mark Wahlberg, Danny Glover and the one of the cutest guys ever, Michael Pena. It wasn't too gory. I mean, with a title like that, ya gotta expect some blood. I thought it was a smart and clever story. And if you have a 19 and 20-year-old, then you remember back in 1990 when "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie" was HUGE! Well, you won't like knowing that "Casey Jones" grew up to be a bad guy. His name is Elias Koteas and he was really cute in 1990. In 2007? Not so much. Well, his demise is the bloodiest part of the movie (but he really deserved it!) And it's always nice when the bad guys get it in the "end," or the arm.

I wish real life was more like that. Ya know, if someone cuts you off in traffic, their car gets a mile down the road and all the tires go flat. Or if your husband makes cookies and leaves a huge mess for you to clean up in the kitchen, he spends a whole night with insomnia. Or if your friend borrows your best boots and returns them with scuffs and a loose heel, she breaks both ankles. Or maybe you just carry a big gun and you're not afraid to use it. Hey, it worked for Mark Wahlberg and Michael Pena!

Nah. . . I'm not serious. But I wouldn't mind seeing karma at work more often! And if you want to see an action/adventure with a good ending, I recommend "Shooter." Besides, Michael Pena's nice to look at. YUMMY ;-)

The Chatty Way To Whip The Neighbor Kids Into Shape!

I have a picture in one of our photo albums of a neighbor kid I once ran over with the car. Oh, come on. Like you've never wanted to! I don't want to use his real name, so I'll just call him "Rufus." Back in the day when I drove my boys every night for their paper route, he begged to go with us. I refused at first because this kid had a really loud voice. We worked in quiet neighborhoods in the middle of the night and that required only whispering. Every sound echoed. Rufus begged some more and then the boys begged and I was worn down.

So, Rufus and his loud mouth went with us, but with some empty promise of keeping quiet. I had to remind him several times about noise and I remember thinking lots of things like "never again" and "where's a muzzle when you need one" and "wish I could leave him in a dumpster."

In one cul-de-sac, I would slowly drive around as the boys hopped out of the back of the pickup and delivered to several porches. As I made the slow round, I heard a shocking screech, so I came to a complete stop. Rufus had been walking alongside the pickup trying to jump in when he was finished delivering to his assigned porch. Apparently as I made the turn, HE miscalculated and I ran over his foot.

I looked out my window and whispered emphatically, "RUFUS, BE QUIET."

He yelled, "MY FOOT IS UNDER THE TIRE. MOVE IT!"

So, as the good room mother I've always been, I whispered back. "I will NOT move until you promise to be quiet!" (Talk about havin' 'em right where you want 'em!)

He yelled again, "GET OFF MY FOOT!"

I very patiently told him that I would not move until he shut his mouth.

He finally whispered through clenched teeth, "OK."

I rolled the pickup forward, let him get inside and I simmered silently for awhile. He didn't say a word.

I finally asked him if he could feel his toes.

He never came back around much after that. Ahh. Good times . . . good times.

Get Well. Really.

Today's pet peeve is "people who are insincere." Ya know, when someone walks by you and says "How are you?" and then keeps walking. I mean, I want to tell them about my sore left knee and the twitch in my right eye and my best friend's wedding. But I open my mouth to let it rip and I'm alone. When the McDonald's drive-thru guy tells me to "Have a nice day!" I just know that he doesn't care one bit if I have a heart attack from the double cheeseburger and medium chocolate shake I just bought or not! And when Ron tells me "I love you," well, that may be an exception.

Appie's Katie-bug

Katie was born in 2000 and named after me, which has always given us a very special bond. Although she goes by "Katie" and not "Chatty-Kat" we know who she is! She has so far given me 7 years of pride and bliss. When she was a baby and couldn't pronounce my name, I became "Appie." I'm good with that. :-) During our vacation a few weeks ago, I witnessed her loss of yet another tooth. And I got to take her shopping with her tooth fairy money. Yes, aunthood is truly mah-velous! She loves to do crafts and sing and she reads really well also. She introduced me to High School Musical, which I LOVE! We also share a love of animals. I am amazed in her presence by her talents and seeing her grow into this beautiful little lady. She is very girlie, which I especially love. I know she's a Daddy's Girl, but I also like to think she's an "Appie's Girl!"

Jackson - Boy Pirate

My nephew, Jack, is a character! He's 5 years old and likes to be right in the middle of whatever Uncle Ron is doing. Uncle Ron made him the pirate mask in the picture. Then Uncle Ron was putting a water fountain into Grandma Mary's backyard and Jack wanted to be part of that project. Of course, once the fountain was installed, it was the PERFECT place to sail his POTC:AWE pirate ship. And he drank out of it a few times. Another picture is of Jack being a pirate's parrot, perched on Uncle Ron's foot. Jack is an absolute doll and I wouldn't be half the Appie without him. Really. And he loves that his name is Jack and truly believes he was named after Jack Sparrow. I don't mind that he wants to grow up to be a pirate because as any good Appie, I believe he would only pirate for good and not evil. During our trip to southern Oregon in June, we got lots of time with Jack. One evening, Jack went out to dinner with us. We both just loved having him with us. We didn't think even once about giving him away to the circus. Or even walking the plank.

Chatty-Ruf!

We have fleas. That's right. Today, I venture out to buy flea collars for Molly, Shelby and me. They each get one for their necks. I get one for my neck, one for each wrist, one to belt around my waist, and one for each ankle. Since we arrived home from our trip, something has taken over my bedding. Every morning I wake up with more red welt-looking bites on me. Molly and Shelby have both been scratching like crazy (and not just their booty-scoot-boogie on the carpet!) This morning was the worst - I itch terribly!! And it's not pretty. When Ron gets home tomorrow night after 4 days in California, I'll look really attractive. I'll be all bumpy and probly covered with that cute pink-dried-on-liquid-de-itcher. What a hottie!

I actually researched remedies for fleas and for itching because I'm out of anything helpful in my medicine cabinet. They suggested flea dips, sprays, powders, incantations and voo-doo. And since I'm the size of a very large rottweiler, I figger they've got to have a flea dip that will work on me. And I bet I'll smell as good as I look. Don't worry, Ronnie, I'm all yours~!

Better get going . . . gotta get to Walmart and get myself an ID tag printed!

Shout Out to I-Falls!

I got an email today from a friend in International Falls, Minnesota. I can thank her for my apparent lingering accent. My BFF and I were talking last week about the accent I came home with, after living on the Minnesota/Canadian border for 3 1/2 months. Just two days ago, we were talking on the phone and without realizing it, I said ". . . .about . . . ." pronounced like "uh-boot." Only when Shelly says it, it's cute! I got to International Falls in March 2004. The temperature was in the single digits. Rainey Lake was frozen over and cars drove on it! It IS called "Icebox of the Nation." By the time I left in July, the lake was beautiful and Shelly and her tour guide husband, Brad, took Sean and me for a boat ride across it. (Don't worry, Lori, I didn't dive in.) Because of all the moisture in that area, everything is very green. It's absolutely beautiful there - winter and summer alike. I got a card/note from Shelly a few weeks ago and I was so excited! I felt positively hyper because I hadn't heard from her for a long time. She's had some health crises and I'm very thankful to report that she's doing well now. Shelly and I have both been married for a long time and our children are close in age, so we had lots in common to talk about during those long hours at work together. I'm lucky that I met Shelly - she made a very positive impression in my life.

When Ron and I saw Wicked! onstage in May, I fell in love with one of the songs. Well, all of them really, but one that really stands out, reminds me of the friends, like Shelly, who come into our lives and we're somehow changed, even if they are only around for a short time.

For Good

"I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:
I have been changed for good"

Take Small Bites and Chew Slowly.

I'm mostly a Saturday morning housecleaner. Sure, I'll do laundry or straightening throughout the week, but the heavier cleaning is always on Saturday mornings. Since I was gone for several weeks, I have a LOT to clean tomorrow morning! I remember when the whole idea of "House Cleaning" was so overwhelming and I would do anything to avoid it. But since I hated living in a chaotic environment, I had to figure it out. Maybe I'm the only one in the whole world who feels overwhelmed with housekeeping or even any big project, or maybe I'm part of a very big club. Regardless, I feel compelled to share some of my hints to avoid overwhelm. I think this system will work for almost any large project.

During the week, I set the timer for 20 minutes. I just do overall straightening. I pickup anything that doesn't belong in a room, putting it in a laundry basket until the room is picked up. I move onto the next room until everything is put away. If I don't have a place to put every single thing I own, I either create a place or look very seriously at storing it (if I love it and feel sentimental about it) or giving it to someone who would appreciate and use it. When the timer goes off, either I'm so involved in what I'm doing, I can't imagine stopping right then or I know that I'm finished. In the bedrooms, I use small round laundry baskets that store just the amount of one load of laundry. I keep one for whites and one for darks. When that basket fills, I know that I can take it down (already sorted!) and run that load.

On Saturday mornings, I set the timer for 1 hour. I start in the kitchen and clean the counters, empty/load the dishwasher, clean the countertops, stovetop, microwave. After everything is wiped down, I straighten and organize the fridge. I sweep the kitchen floor, vacuum the rug and then mop. I then dust and do all the floors, to include the stairs. Usually about then I reset the timer and clean the bathrooms, which I do quickly in this order - mirrors/counter/sink/toilet/floor, take out trash. I don't clean the shower or bathtub every week and usually I try to get Ron or one of the boys to do it. :-)

One other hint I encourage is to use your children. When my kids were younger, I would have one follow me around so they could help. They should have their own responsibilities and when they're really young, they can do simple things like putting shoes away. I don't remember a time when my boys didn't have a spreadsheet of chores for every week. Course, when they were younger, the spreadsheets were cute and creative, but as they grew, the spreadsheets got more plain. Rewards work! Some people I've talked to believe that kids should learn responsibility without reward. But I don't live in that SUGAR-COATED CANDYLAND! I need rewards and I like to reward myself with quiet time, reading or making jewelry or cards or watching a movie. I do feel somewhat rewarded by just having a house that's neat and clean, too.

What I like best about my system so far is that I break everything down so much that I don't feel overwhelmed. But every system can be bettered. If you do something that works for you, please share!!

I Feel So Alone (sob!)

I'm not dead. Well, maybe I died a little inside. I left the house this morning without my lifeline, I mean, my cell phone. This never happens and I feel completely helpless. I'm working today, so I tried to notify all the vital ones who might try to call me today, but I still feel like I might miss something important.

As I was getting my coffee this morning, I saw a man wearing no shoes and a plastic bag over his shoulders, digging through trash cans. I wondered if maybe he forgot his cell phone too. OK, I'm not heartless. I felt bad for him and put into perspective my cell phone troubles. I'm thankful that I'm employed, have clothes and shoes and a car to take me from A to B and yes, I'm VERY thankful for my cell phone. My lifeline. My reason for living. My cell phone makes me a better person. Just like my sister is a better person because of TIVO.

Speaking of my utter devotion to my cell phone, yesterday I had a very real-life commercial moment occur. And not in a good way. I was talking to my mom on my cell phone about how grumpy my grandma has been for a long time now. I told her that last week when Jen and I were in Barnes & Noble, we found a book title called "Kill Grandma for Me." Jennifer said "I hope that's under the tree for me this Christmas!" My mom said nothing. I said "Mom, it was a joke. Really. Mom, we didn't mean it." Still nothing. APPARENTLY, we were cut off. And we're even with Cingular (the advertised least dropped calls network.) Whatever. Anyway, I called her back about a minute later and she laughed like there was no tomorrow. Whew! Doggone Cingular. (I still love my cell phone, though.)

Cinnamon rolls - YUM!

My in-laws (the soon-to-be-previous "Montana Jeri's") are moving to Colorado Springs this month! My MIL has promised to teach me to do ceramics, porcelain and to knit. I've promised to show up for dinner every single night at 5 pm. I've promised to let my children stay at her house when the weather is too awful for them to drive all the way home from town. I've promised to save all my washing & ironing for her. I'm thoughtful that way. Ron promises to golf occasionally with my FIL. They both promise to not always win. I promise to show up every once in awhile at their house with helmet head, after a motorcycle ride when I'm especially hungry for the best homemade cinnamon rolls EVER. In the meantime, I've been scouting town for the best place for them to live. Which brings me to my new nickname for Colorado Springs apartments - Skanksville, Colorado. I'm so disappointed by some of the places that look really nice from the outside, yet inside are old, worn and dreary. I think I've found one great place for them, though. And my choice has nothing to do with the rule that says "Yes, you can bring guests" to the pool, sauna, and tennis court.

All Titled Out

Well, this is weird. Usually I have to really work hard thinking up a blog topic. Today I have so many ideas, I don't know where to start! Here are a few I've been working on . . .

• "Want Fries with That Slimfast?"
  

• "How to Scoot Outta Prison"

• "Skanksville, Colorado" or "A Room with a View" - A minute by minute journal of apartment-hunting for my in-laws

• "Interesting Facts about my Trash"

• "Valium - A Love Story"

• "Divorce or Murder: The $64,000 Question"

• "How Ice Cream is Building My Strong Bones"
  

• "Fido for Prez - Why Dogs Should Rule Our Nation"

• "The Best Porn is Free Porn"

• "How Jack Webb Inspires Me"

Or maybe I'm just really lazy and don't want to write a whole blog. Have a great holiday!

• 
  

Wyoming's where it's at, Mom!!

Today my youngest son is driving to Wyoming. The fact THAT he's driving there is not as concerning as WHY he's driving there. Apparently, they have really great fireworks. This is what he's telling me. I don't like fireworks. I mean, I'm patriotic and all, but there are WAY too many things to lose with fireworks - eyebrows, skin, arms, legs, vision, facial features, life, money, friends, SONS. . . ya get the picture. I like fireworks in a controlled, professionally designed arena. Yet, even so, a man in our town who has done fireworks for the sports stadium for years, had a terrible accident, with a lot of damage done to his head and face. I grew up with sparklers and even twirled a few on my baton when I was a kid. I'm just not a really danger junkie these days. My biggest thrills come from watching the occasional scary movie - WITH THE LIGHTS OFF!! I don't run with scissors and I almost never do crack with cold medicine. I wear my seat belt ALWAYS and I stopped skydiving after my 2nd heart attack.

I recently drove through Wyoming TWICE and thought, "Wow, it's big, open and B-O-R-I-N-G. All you folks have is Harrison Ford and Little America. And now, some pretty awesome fireworks. Yeah." I thought Wyoming was what you drive THROUGH, not TO. My mantra today will be "Please be out of the dangerous ones . . . please be out of the dangerous ones. . . please be out of the dangerous ones. . ."

Drive safe, my little pyromaniac.